[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” _builder_version=”4.23.3″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]“How do you sustain hope and resilience?”
This is what we asked our online therapist training community and their colleagues at large in preparation for our third annual publication Therapy Wisdom Spotlight. The submissions moved and inspired us.
One of the essays we published was by Adekemi O. Oguntala (aka, Dr. O). We’ve shared it below, and invite you to Download the full PDF publication here (it’s free): Wise Therapy Spotlight December 2022 Issue
How Do You Sustain Hope and Resilience?
Adekemi O. Oguntala, MD
Hope is what allows us to see a little light even when it seems like there is darkness all around. -Bishop Desmond Tutu
So much of doing emotional work is discovering the hope inside ourselves that things can change. We hope to inspire a belief we can function better, live better and have better relationships. What we know now about this process is that no one can see that hope when they believe the hope comes from someone or something outside themselves. This is the perspective of a child hoping parents will provide the feeling of being worthy or good enough.
I have learned that the origin of this thought comes from the despair as a child and hoping that our parents will see us. The teacher will believe we are smart. A person will believe we are lovable. This anxious attachment to people, systems and beliefs makes us feel helpless like we are still children. So what I know now is that our hope cannot come from something outside. However, understanding how that despair made me feel as a helpless child and connecting with the child who felt it has given me a knowledge of what it is like to have a tiny seed of hope that wounded children inside us carry. When we can look back on our childhood and see the behavior of the wounded child as doing the best they could given what they knew, we can see the hope they had. They just needed to get that kid to the next station in life where I might know more.
My hope comes from reviewing the events of my younger self and seeing how amazingly they were able to get through things given how little they knew of how the world works, other students hurting me mostly when they were hurting themselves, how parents have emotions they can’t manage and how teachers have bad days too. Reviewing the past has allowed me to zoom out on scenes from my past and see not just the vulnerability of the child, but the courage, and determination -the hope. I could see this little girl hoping that one day their scene would be redone with me at her side supporting her so she was not alone. This is what processing and integrating the painful parts of our life, my life has done.
Knowing that things will be okay…
…not because I control the outcome, or how the story will end, but from my ability to see over and over again painful situations from the perspective of my compassionate SELF has made all the difference. It is this integration of information that has reassured me that I will be okay no matter what. This is the resilience or the wisdom of our hurt. That we learn by reviewing the events of our lives that have caused us pain and see not just the hurt, but what was produced as a result of that hurt -the hope that we will do more than survive. We will thrive. It is from this joyful place that new painful situations are not as painful, and there is less and less helplessness. This has been replaced with hope. As the courage, calm, clarity, compassion, and confidence of the SELF increases, the resilience becomes part of who I am and it becomes easier to not just sustain, but grow.
Dr. Adekemi Oguntala or Dr. O is a teen physician who received her undergraduate education at UC Berkeley. She earned her medical degree from what is now Drexel University and her pediatric residency at St Christopher’s hospital for Children both located in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. She completed her adolescent medicine fellowship at Stanford University. She focuses on raising the emotional intelligence of the teen with the sub-focus of improving their sense of self-worth, lovability and personal value. Read more about Dr. O’s work at www.TheTeenDoc.com.
If you would like to be inspired by more of the essays and artwork published in the Wise Therapy Spotlight December 2022 Issue, Click to Download the PDF now.
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