Each year we open submissions for our Annual Wise Therapy Spotlight, where we ask a question of particular importance to our wider therapist community. We are always moved by the depth and generosity of our community voices.
This year, we asked our community, What Is the Soul of Therapy? Read more about our inspiration for this, our 5th edition, in the letter from the editors and Academy of Therapy Wisdom founders, Brian and Ian.
Continue here to read the submission by Mrinalini Mahajan, Clinical Psychologist, India Education: M Phil Clinical Psychology. We hope you enjoy it as much as we all did.
Before I start this prompt, I want to tell a story
I am a mental health professional working in India. I was born in the 90s decade. Most of my clients are from also in the similar age group. People who were born on the cusp of the 21st century. The generation that grew up in the late 1980’s, the decade of 1990’s and early 2000’s lived a very different life. Across the world, advent of the 21st century is characterised by a global economy and third world consumerism. In India, early 1990’s and the popularization of internet marked the beginning of liberalization, globalization and privatisation. We were sold a dream of a global citizen; a dream of the world without borders, free markets which would be free of discrimination. A movement towards equality. A movement that focused on condemnation of violence and terrorism which was rearing its head. Migration was popular, suddenly we could transverse national borders. We saw the USA elect and then re-elect a black President, back home, we saw a period of peace and breaks from wars. We saw the English colonisers apologise to the communities. LGBTQIA+ communities getting visibility. We saw the Arab Spring, seemingly feminist advancements in the world. This was the promised land, this was the promised future. Suddenly, we could expect equity, we could expect equality.
But the reality of the world after we grew up is very different. It seems that long peace has ended. Currently, we live in a world that appears to have moved backward where societal accountability is not a familiar concept. The world has been explaining to us that the dream we grew up with was never going to come true. That this is not the way of the world. We are now told the world needs to close borders, regroup and draw boundaries of socio-cultural contexts. We are questioned about where do we belong when we thought we would belong to ideas that bind us together.
The grief of the loss of this promised land is unspeakable.
How do you tell someone that you are grieving something that you thought you had, that kept you going when things became difficult, something that you trusted in and held in hope, that is now inaccessible?
You are grieving that the world forgot about this promised land. Even gaslights us into believing that it was never really promised to us. The hope that the world will change even more for the better but never did.
Kenneth Doka defined disenfranchised grief as a loss that is not “openly acknowledged, socially validated, or publicly mourned” (Doka, 1989, pp.15). It limits the possibility of expressing and processing the loss and the avenues for seeking compassion and support (Doka, 2002). Ted Bowman (1997) writes about the loss of these dreams. These are characterised by the losses of the imagined life, how things were supposed to turn out to be, of losses that were not anticipated. In the current context, perhaps it manifests as the abandonment of the imagined future. Shattered dreams may lead to loss of the future story (Lester, 1995). It is often acknowledged in the field of palliative care or in the physical losses where people grieve the loss of the healthy self or the person who is lost along with grieving the life that could have been. But what about the times when there is no tangible losses? When you grieve that, how do you explain the mourning? Especially to a world that shies away from grieving itself?
What is the soul of therapy?
In this century, I think this is the soul of therapy. To witness this loss and say that we see it.
To create a relationship that acknowledges that there are two people co-travelling on this journey to make sense of these experiences and to ensure that there is a witness to the humanity.
Thankfully, we are equipped to work with this. This disenfranchised grief is a common companion to survivors of abuse and neglect. Anyone who has worked with a person with a history of trauma knows how to heal the self that never got a chance to bloom. That is the essence of the therapeutic work; to have the unwavering belief that they deserved better. They were entitled to certain rights as children and when these rights are not a lived experience, they are entitled to the grief and the anger at the injustice of it all. At a fundamental level, this means that we as therapists hold space for all the versions of the clients – the ones they became to protect themselves, the ones they never got a chance to become. In a similar way, it is important for us to hold spaces for the dreams – of the imagined life. And that life is not devoid of the context of the client. It is imperative that therapy provides the space for this version of the client too. The version of the client who feels betrayed by the world.
What does it mean to be a therapist today?
Hence, I think being a therapist in today’s world is to bear witness to this loss too. Like many losses that we legitimise in therapy and allow a space to grieve for, this is also an important consideration. In a world that is keen on clamping down, we as therapists can continue to be open and hold space for people. This in itself is a radical act, an act of defiance and accountability.
What does it require of you?
It requires hope; for those times when people cannot hold on it, we need to hold on to the hope. It requires an audacity to hope even in times when hope seems childlike or far-fetched. It also requires unfailing belief in humanity. The fact that the dream that was shown to us was not something to be idealised and then dismissed as utopian. It is to stand firm in the idea that it is possible to work towards this even if it not easily achievable. Being sensitive enough to recognise its presence, validate it and name and frame it as grief is powerful.
What is sacred in our profession, and how do we protect it?
It is hard to be a safe space in a world fraught with violence where safety gets compromised everyday. And yet there is a need still hold on to hope. In the face of this grief, we hold on to it, we say, “I still see you, I know you were denied. I don’t think you are asking for too much, I don’t think it is too much to hold society accountable.” Afterall, hope even in the midst of bleakest of times can only exist after the grief has been acknowledged. The grief will then give way to the new dream.
It is long and often arduous journey. To keep on hoping is an act of defiance itself. We can protect it by practising what we preach, meaning, we hold ourselves to the same standards to show the frailty of human life and the fact the we heal in connections. For the therapist to be able to hold on to this, it is important to hold space for ourselves. We have to be first and foremost a human. Authentic connections can only be formed when the depth of the relationship comes from a human to a human level.
Hence the soul of therapy lies in our hope for humanity. The feeling of being human, to grieve and to still continue to live and have the audacity of hope.
References:
Bowman, T. (1997). Facing loss of dreams: A special kind of grief. International Journal of Palliative Nursing, 3(2), 76-81.
Doka, K. J. (Ed.) (1989). Disenfranchised grief: Recognizing hidden sorrow. Lexington, MA: Lexington Books.
Doka KJ. (2002). Disenfranchised Grief: New Directions, Challenges, and Strategies for Practice. Champaign, IL: Research Press (2002)
Lester A D (1995). Hope in Pastoral Care and Counselling. Westminster/John Knox Press. Louisville
The views expressed in this essay are not necessarily the opinions of Academy of Therapy Wisdom, its presenters or its staff. This is part of a series featuring the unedited voices of our community in conversation. All content is used with permission and is copyright 2024 by Academy of Therapy Wisdom. Only the author may reproduce their content.
To read more articles or download a free copy of the final publication visit Wise Therapy Spotlight.
