Rafaella Smith-Fiallo, LCSW
Nine out of 10 couples seek counseling for help with this one thing.
Ten out of 10 couples end up talking about it, even if it’s not what brought them in.
We bet you can guess what it is…
Money? Nope.
Chores? Nope.
Sex? Bingo!
If you are a therapist, we know you’ve heard the complaints: Not enough sex. Mismatched desire. Different pleasures. Boredom. Shame. Conflicting values or messages about sexuality.
It can be uncomfortable for everybody if you don’t know how to talk about sex with confidence. Want to finally learn the skills to help clients with their sexuality without referring them to a sex therapist?
In An Expansive Approach to Navigating Desire Discrepancy in Therapy, Rafaella Smith-Fiallo, LCSW, Certified Sexuality Educator, Certified Trauma Therapist, and Licensed Clinical Social Worker will share skills that any therapist can use to uncover limiting belief systems, open lines of communication, and develop solutions to the problems that plague so many couples.
The thing is, sex is not the problem. Communication about it is.
Rafaella’s mission is to normalize the topic of sex, share tools for exploring sexuality, and expand our conversations about sex so we don’t feel burdened with baggage.
In this course, you’ll learn:
- How to initiate conversations that feels expansive and joyful instead of embarrassing or intimidating.
- To hold space for clients to discover what works for them so the process becomes collaborative instead of directive.
- Skills to quiet clients’ internal messages and external influences so they can make their own relationship tenets.
- The 6Ps of sexual desire, and other lively tools and games that expand conversations and decrease the shame and blame cycle.
- To uncover your own thoughts and beliefs about sex so you can decrease shame and challenge toxic beliefs that keep you referring out to other therapists.
In this workshop you will learn:
Understanding Desire
This module explores the meaning of sexual desire so clinician’s can help clients increase their insight into their sexual patterns, minimize their shame and embarrassment around sex, and give them permission to re-define sex and sexual desire for themselves.
You’ll learn to:
- Help clients define desire and desire discrepancy within the context of their relationships.
- Identify three different types of desire and how they are experienced.
- Unpack common barriers people experience when trying to access desire.
- Explain the value of re-envisioning what desire means and looks like throughout one’s sexual life.
Brief Assessment
The second module is all about the assessment phase. We’ll cover several categories to explore when assessing sexual desire, dissatisfaction, and discrepancy. Rafaella talks about ‘The Six Ps’ as well as two other assessment tools. You’ll learn how to uncover the issues underneath desire and discrepancy, and discover the path forward.
You’ll learn:
- How to identify relevant points of inquiry during relationship and sexual history taking.
- How to assess factors that promote or inhibit sexual desire using the 6 P’s of Sexual Desire.
- To identify different levels of intervention based on clinical appropriateness and professional competency.
- How to apply these skills by watching Rafaella in a demo with her clients.
Client Communication
In module three, we’ll explore communication roadblocks and how to address them with clients. A large part of relationship tension is due to a lack of communication or miscommunication about sex. We’ll discuss communication tools to help clients create dialogue within their relationships.
You’ll learn to:
- Identify and unlearn unhelpful and negative sexual messages and narratives.
- Help clients access curiosity and empathy when discussing.
- Determine a couple’s areas of risk and opportunity to address their stuck points.
- How to apply these skills by watching Rafaella in a demo with her clients.
Sensual Connection
In the final module, we’ll explore exercises that can help clients tap into their erotic selves. We discuss the importance in prioritizing both the solo erotic self as well as partnered sexuality and playfulness as part of strengthening a couples erotic dynamic.
You’ll learn to:
- Provide sex-positive education that promotes affirming self-care practices..
- Apply the concept of Erotic Self-Expansion to promote individual and/or couple curiosity and connection.
- Use Sensate Focus exercises to increase sensual and erotic connection.
- How to apply these skills by watching Rafaella in a demo with her clients.
Meet Your Presenter
Rafaella Smith-Fiallo, LCSW
A Certified Sexuality Educator, and Certified Trauma Therapist. She is the founder of Healing Exchange LLC, a multi-state, education and mental health private practice committed to providing sex-positive, trauma-informed, pleasure-centered, and inclusive education, therapy, and professional development. She also co-founded Afrosexology, a sex education business centering the pleasure, empowerment, and liberation of Black people.
Rafaella is an international educator, consultant, and author who has been featured in media outlets such as The New York Times, The Washington Post, HuffPost, Teen Vogue, Vibe Magazine, and Broadly. Rafaella has two mottos that drive her practice and personal life, “You deserve peace and pleasure in all of your relationships, especially the one with yourself,” and “If you want things to be different, you have to do things differently.” With that said, she is committed to engaging in and creating radical change and community liberation through centering pleasure politics.
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